That’s my statement about watching awards shows on TV from now on. The shows are no longer about awards for excellence when honorees commandeer the ceremony to make political statements. Two wrongs: wrong time, wrong place.
Honorees should accept their awards graciously, say thank you, and take the political soapbox outside, where they can rant all they want and I can choose to listen or not. I don’t like being a captive audience, so as movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn once said, Include Me Out.
My sister was attending a meeting of church ladies in her community. The woman next to her asked my sister the name of her church home. When my sister told her, the woman’s response was a flat, unexcited, cold monotone “oh.”
Suppose you told someone in your community the name of your business, your church, your organization, and the response was that same flat, cold “oh.” How would that make you feel? The “oh” says a lot by not saying very much. It says, “Status Quo is OK.” It says, “We’re invisible in this community.” It says “We’re comfortable here in our easy chairs.” What else does that flat, cold “oh” say to you?
Now suppose you mentioned your business, church or organization, and the response was an excited and energetic “OH! That’s the group that does the XYZ program so well!” or “OH! What a difference you are making in the community!” How would that OH! make you feel?
The excited and energetic “OH!” says a lot, too. It says, “We are committed to being the best we can be!” It says, “We make a positive difference in this community!” It says “Come – We want you with us as we work on this project!” What else does “OH!” say to you?
What a world of difference there is between “oh” and “OH!” Where is your business, church, or organization on a scale of “oh” to “OH!” in your community? Will you choose to be the “oh” group or the “OH!” group?
As the late Yogi Berra once said, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.” Well, which road will you take? You can’t settle for “oh” quality and expect “OH!” results.
Everyone is talking, but nobody is listening. That’s the way things appear to be these days. Try listening to one of the ever-present political analyst panel discussions on TV. Everyone talks at once. They don’t listen. They interrupt. They don’t have much to say but use a lot of words to say it.
I think I understand what you thought I said but what you thought you heard isn’t what I meant to imply.
Make sense? No, but that doesn’t stop them. To make their point, panelists – and politicians – talk LOUDER over the others. The babble is deafening – and mind-numbing. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be listening to when everyone is talking. I don’t know what I’m supposed to take away from this mess. Thank goodness for the MUTE button on the TV remote!
You’re short on ears and long on mouth. (John Wayne)
There must be a good reason why we have two ears and one mouth. Especially for leaders, it means that we’re supposed to listen more than we talk. When we talk, we don’t listen.
Listening skills are essential to good leadership. When you listen to others – really listen – it demonstrates that you are interested in others, that you trust them, that you care. Leaders should listen more and talk a whole lot less.
Listening is fast becoming a lost art. It takes skill and practice to master the art of listening, and most of us fall far short of the mark. If we listen at all, we tend to listen competitively, just waiting for a breath or brief pause to break in and blather away on what WE have to say.
When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. (Ernest Hemingway)
What we all need to learn and practice is ENGAGED listening, a form of deep, active listening that requires us to listen carefully to what the other person is saying, and listen without filtering or judging what the person is saying to you. Easy to say, but very hard to do. Most of us have become very good at tuning out during a conversation. Don’t believe me? Take a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle to make two columns. Label the first column: When do I listen? Label the second column: When do I NEGLECT to listen? Jot down what you observe during the day. Which column gets filled first? What does that tell you?
Listen! It’s the highest compliment you can pay to another.
Making lame excuses. We’re very good at it. We get lots of practice. We tell ourselves this a lot. Think about it: When we’re asked to do something, or have a difficult task to get done, we can think of all kinds of excuses why we can’t do it.
“I Can’t, Because…” gets in the way of getting lots of things done. It’s an easy game to play. I’ve compiled a list of 25 lame excuses that I’ve heard or used myself (I hate to admit that, but it’s true!). How many more can you add? It’s an easy game to play. The next time someone asks you to do something, or you have something that needs to get done, just say, “I Can’t, Because…” and plug in one of these 25 lame excuses. Feel free to add others!
I Can’t, Because…
How much energy do we waste telling ourselves we can’t do something? How much more could we get done if we focused on I CAN? What CAN you do? What WILL you do?
An old cowboy song I enjoyed as a kid popped into my head the other day. It was “Don’t Fence Me In” by Cole Porter and Robert Fletcher. I hadn’t thought of that song in years, but there for awhile, I heard it over and over again in my mind as if the replay button were stuck. What a wonderful, free feeling that song conveys. It brings to mind images of wide open spaces, technicolor scenery, starry skies – and no fences
Wide open spaces with no boundaries in sight for as far as you can see – hard to imagine for those of us who live in urban areas with well-defined spaces, crowds and traffic jams. Oh, to experience those wide open spaces, that freedom, that peace of mind!
As I thought more about it, I realized that what I was focusing on were the fences, the boundaries, the barriers, rather than the spaces and the freedom those spaces bring. And then came the realization that focusing on the barriers was exactly the problem. I was looking at limitations rather than possibilities. I was stuck behind fences that I built myself.
Well, if I built those fences myself, I can tear them down, too. There are lots of ways. Here’s one to try: close your eyes and imagine yourself out in those wide open spaces. Look out to the horizon. See any fences? No – they aren’t there.
But our minds build them. Have you ever set a goal to do something and then run into a wall of resistance? C’mon now, admit it – we all do it to ourselves. William Blake called these self-made obstacles “mind-forged manacles.” We focus on the obstacles rather than the open spaces.
Rather than focus on the fence, think about how to get around it, over it, under it, through it – or is that fence really a mirage you’ve created for yourself?
The next time you feel stuck on something, remember that feeling of wide open spaces and no boundaries. Don’t Fence Me In.
We live near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in Colorado. It’s beautiful, but springtime can be quite an adventure around here.
Springtime in the Rockies means warmer, sunnier days, grass greening up, trees and shrubs blooming, daffodils and tulips popping up – and spring snowstorms!
A few days ago, we had a doozy of a snowstorm. Heavy, wet stuff. Tree-breaking snow. I spent the better part of two days with a long pole, poking snow off tree branches. Snow was a foot deep on the driveway, so we weren’t going anywhere for awhile. It’s easy to get into the grump-grumble-ain’t it awful mindset when we are a bit inconvenienced.
Well, now it’s warmer, bright and sunny, and the snow is melting fast. There is such a big puddle of water in our backyard that I expected to find a few ducks out there this morning. Things are quickly getting back to normal.
We were lucky. We were inconvenienced for a day or two, but our temporary discomfort was nothing compared to the unfortunate people who have been devastated by tornadoes, flooding, or earthquakes this spring.
All this to say – when you fuss about changing weather and some minor inconveniences, look around you. Others may need your help, your encouragement, and your positive “can do” spirit. Your ain’t it awful can become how may I help?
You can learn a lot about leadership – from geese. Yes, you read that right. We have a large year-round population of Canadian geese around here, and many hundreds more come to spend the winter with their American cousins. We have plenty of opportunities to observe their flight patterns, takeoffs and landings. Their familiar “V” flying wedge makes a good illustration of leadership – the leader at the point of the “V” with followers trailing close behind, honking all the way. What isn’t so obvious at first is the way leadership changes. Take a closer look.
The leader goose sets the course and leads the way. the others follow in his wake, enjoying a bit of a free ride on the air currents from the leader goose. After awhile, the leader begins to tire, so another follower goose takes the lead, and the previous leader drops back to enjoy the air currents stirred up by the new leader. And later on, the leader changes again. What a marvelous illustration of collaboration!
Another leadership trait you can learn from geese is persistence. When a leader of the gaggle decides to cross the road, they all gather round and soon the single-file parade begins as the determined geese stroll across the street. S-l-o-w-l-y. And with no honking. There’s no stopping them. Traffic comes to a standstill. The geese don’t bother with crosswalks or traffic signals. They ignore our honking at them. But they do reach their goal, no matter what.
And they sure do know how to communicate with one another. Some of their communication is obvious from their honks and squawks as they fly overhead. But there’s also a silent but very effective form of communication among them when they’re on the ground searching for food – or determined to cross the road. It’s amazing to watch this happen. The leader or sentinel looks around, takes aim, doesn’t seem to utter a sound, but everyone else follows.
Communication. Persistence. Collaboration. Not a bad recipe for good leadership!
It’s an old argument: how efficient are you? – or – how effective are you? It got me to thinking about the importance of one or the other, and how this affects us in our various leadership roles working with others.
We pride ourselves on being efficient, being able to accomplish a task with less waste of time and effort. Energy-efficient appliances and light bulbs, factory assembly lines that streamline repetitive tasks – these are good things that help us get things done in less time or with less energy. They help us feel more productive.
But carried to an extreme, being efficient can result in being less effective. Here are a few examples:
Examples of being more efficient, perhaps, but are they really more effective?
Efficiency is often related to time-sensitive tasks. Perhaps the time saved is its greatest value to us. If a task takes “X” amount of time, can it be completed in less time? The question that often gets left out of that discussion is: But how well will the task still be done? What have we really gained if the task is done faster but not better? It’s good to be efficient, but not at the expense of being effective.
I once worked with a young college instructor who told me that she had covered the entire semester’s work in a course by mid-semester. When I asked how well the students had really learned the material, she didn’t know. She thought she was being efficient, but was not effective.
How efficient is it really to read something quickly, play something faster, complete a task quicker? That all depends on the results you want. Michelangelo accepted a papal commission to paint the Sistine Chapel ceiling. It took him from 1508 to 1512 to complete the work. Efficient? Not so much. Effective? Oh my goodness, YES!
Basically, Efficient means to accomplish something with less waste of time and effort. Effective is accomplishing a purpose, producing an intended or expected result. They are different, but are more closely related than we may realize. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Both are important to keep in balance when working with people to get things done. Rather than an “either/or” mindset, think of Efficiency and Effectiveness as “both/and” qualities for your team. Good leaders need to ask their teams: How can we be Efficient and also be Effective?
Many of us grew up with familiar hymns and carols in church, in schools, and in our communities. Nowadays, we have to be more “politically correct” – Christmas programs aren’t held in schools anymore; and communities sometimes get sued for putting up Christmas trees and manger scenes.
Some of the holiday music you hear in stores and malls this time of year is just plain awful. I thought it would be fun to tell you a little bit of history about some of the best known Christmas carols and hymns.
Deck the Hall with Boughs of Holly. The tradition of decorating with evergreens began far back in history. As they didn’t die in winter, evergreens were a mighty symbol of life. During the festival of Saturnalia (Dec 17 to 24 – sort of a mid-winter Mardi Gras) Roman houses were decorated with evergreen boughs. Celtic priests and Druids used every kind of greenery to ward off evil – holly, pine, bay, spruce, laurel, ivy, fir.
Many people couldn’t read reading, let alone read music, so festive songs needed to be simple and repetitive. If you couldn’t remember the verse, you could always join in the refrain with some simple nonsense words like “fa-la-la.” So “Deck the Hall” is a good example of the verse/refrain model. If you don’t know the verse, all you have to remember is one FA followed by 8 LAs.
What Child is This? Putting new words to familiar tunes is used often. In many instances, church hymns were created by taking folk songs, popular songs, even some bawdy songs & putting religious words to the tune. And that’s the case here: “What Child is This?” was set to the familiar tune, “Greensleeves,” an Elizabethan-era love song, probably a bit risqué in its day. “Greensleeves” was thought to be a reference to a promiscuous young woman. Some thought that Henry VIII composed this for his lover and future queen, Anne Boleyn, but that doesn’t appear to be true.
Silent Night. The story of how “Silent Night” or “Stille Nacht” was written is interesting, inspiring – and mostly not true. The story is that on Christmas Eve in 1818, the church organ broke down, and the curate and assistant organist quickly concocted a simple, folk-like hymn to be sung at midnight mass. I’ve even heard one story that a mouse nibbled a hole in the organ bellows – it’s a cute story, but it just isn’t true!
There was always a strong folk element at midnight mass in Austria and Germany. Franz Gruber wrote “Stille Nacht” in that tradition. Strange as it may seem, “Silent Night” and “Joy to the World” were considered vulgar in England and for years were omitted from most hymn and carol books. In the United States, Bing Crosby helped popularize “Silent Night” in the 1945 film “The Bells of St. Mary’s.”
“I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day” is a carol based on the poem “Christmas Bells,” composed by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow on Christmas Day 1863 in the midst of the Civil War. Longfellow wrote the poem after he had received news that his son had suffered wounds as a soldier in battle. Notice how the verses change from despair to hope – and ends with a strong message of peace.
The words to “Joy to the World,” first published in 1719, were written by English hymn writer Isaac Watts, based on Psalm 98. The music was adapted and arranged to Watts’ lyrics by American music educator Lowell Mason in 1839 from an older melody which was then believed to have originated from Handel’s Messiah. However, Handel did not compose the entire tune.
As of the late 20th century, “Joy to the World” was the most-published Christmas hymn in North America.
Warmest wishes for a Happy Holiday Season!
It’s easy to find things to fuss about this holiday season: the noise, the clutter, the non-stop commercials, a saturation of football games, and the tacky Christmas songs in every store that have been playing since October.
For a good laugh, listen to “Christmas Can-Can” recorded by the group, Straight No Chaser.
We’re in the early stages of what promises to be a long and brutal political campaign, one of the most un-civil in my memory. Superstorms continue to add misery to many families long after the storm has passed. More bad news each day about skirmishes, scandals, and outrageous acts of violence.
All this got me to thinking about how we often focus our attention on problems, on what’s wrong, on what we don’t have, rather than on the many blessings we DO have. It’s basically a part of the Law of Attraction: we tend to attract what we focus on.
You may have heard the story about the little boy, his grandfather, and the two tigers, the two wolves, or the positive dog. These are all variations on the same story, but the point is the same. Basically, the story is that we have two “animals” within us: one, an angry, mean, negative animal, and the other, a warm, kind, positive one. Which one will win over the other? Simple – it’s whichever one you feed. What you focus on is what you tend to attract.
So, what’s your choice? Will you focus on scarcity, on the bad news and what you don’t have? Or will you choose to focus on abundance, on the good news, on the many blessings that you enjoy? Which of those two dogs/wolves/tigers within you will you choose to feed?
The old Irving Berlin song reminds us to count our blessings instead of sheep, and fall asleep counting our blessings. I can close my eyes and hear Bing Crosby crooning it now. Join with me this holiday season in practicing an attitude of gratitude for all the good things in our lives. Count your many blessings this holiday season
Charlie's Corner 